


The greatest heist in all of FE

by FrostHatchet



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gaius the candy stealer, Lysithea funy, Robin is back at it again, Three nobles join up for shenanigans, funny fire emblem, mafia ring but candy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26432899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostHatchet/pseuds/FrostHatchet
Summary: Gaius is on a winning streak of huge bets, but score even bigger than the bet he made on Robin/Cordelia is rumored.  Lysithea finds out and they get stuck on a grand quest to capture the grand prize of their dreams.  But little do they know, their dreams might change over the course of the journey if they aren't careful.
Relationships: Guire | Gaius/Lysithea von Ordelia, My Unit | Reflet | Robin/Tiamo | Cordelia, Rinkah/Suzukaze | Kaze
Comments: 11
Kudos: 5





	1. My friend of many moons, give me candy

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm back at it again this week with a brand new episode of please help me. Came up with this idea at like 3 in the morning hope it's funy.

Gaius was having the time of his life. He just won two monster bets and he had collected the first half of his winnings. He munched on some Snickers as he hauled a ginormous bag of sweets, candy, and other assorted contraband in Maribelle’s barracks through his door. 

He had the biggest grin plastered on his face as he swung the bag from his shoulder and dropped it on the floor, making Virion scream from below him as Gaius laughed his ass off. “You blasted brigand! You insolent knave! I could have been struck down and then who would rule my noble house and protect the citizens of my noble land!” 

“You never defended your land anyway Virion! You always made me do it!” Yelled Donnel with a huge smile on his face. Virion turned to him with a posh look on his face and then began to rant,

“How on Earth did a small little commoner find themselves so lost and misdirected that they ended up in the Order of Heroes? I honestly wouldn’t be baffled if you just took the wrong route to get to Askr.”

“Oh yeah? I hear you need to fight to get into the Order of Heroes, not complain all the time.” Gaius kept laughing as Virion fumed and said, “You’re one to talk! You hardly get chosen for any deployments!”

Donnel scoffed and said, “Yeah, I’m sure your ‘letterbox’ is just flooded with requests from Kiran. Grow up will you?” 

“I say what is all this commotion? Is a commoner speaking or is it a dog, I can’t tell?” Lorenz and Ferdinand had entered the fray. Before they could begin defending their noble partner in whatever they do, Gaius went outside to get his second half of winnings, this time from a lad named Joshua. 

He walked into a shady warehouse where there was a couch with a TV that looked like it was from a discount bin from Thracia. He walked up to this Joshua character and smiled saying, “Do ya got the goods you offered up Mr. Two-Face?” 

Joshua laughed and said, “Yeah, right behind me.” He jerked his thumb to the garbage bag sitting on the floor behind him. 

As Gaius went to go grab it, Joshua said, “So why did you need this much cash anyhow? Looking for a little seduction?” Gaius was so badly fooled that he dropped the bag and laughed. “Why would I ever want to use candy to get a woman when I could eat it myself? And who would go out with me because I had a monster amount of candy?”  
Joshua shrugged and said, “Can’t say for sure, but my guys picked up some intel on the new summons. Said one of them likes sweets, but doesn’t like to admit it.” 

Gaius nodded, “Kind of like Rinkah then?” Joshua nodded and Gaius muttered, “So now I have another competitor for the good stuff. God damn it! It’s like another one comes every day to sweep up my hard-earned cash.” 

Joshua chuckled and said, “Well, hope you spend what you have left after tonight well.” Gaius winked and walked out the door. Joshua smirked and said to himself, “I have a bet of my own to make my friend.” 

Gaius walked down the street and smiled as he hefted a giant bag of sweets over his shoulder and walked back to his room. He grinned as he heard the nobles and Donnel still arguing about something completely different from when they left.

He set down the giant sack next to his first one and sat back on his bed, relishing in his extraordinary fortune. He just made huge bank on the two easiest bets of his life, Robin, and his buddy, Chrom. 

He laughed to himself even now when he remembered Robin’s face when Cordelia kissed him and Chrom’s expression when he confessed to Sully and she didn’t laugh in his face. The feelings they had for each other were so obvious that the other felt the same, but they just couldn’t see it at all. 

His thoughts wandered to the mystery girl who liked candy. He frowned at the thought of someone else trying to encroach on his candy earnings. He wished he could meet this girl so he could get an assessment of whether she was the real deal or not. 

He was yanked out of his thoughts by a muffled voice saying, “Finally.” He jumped onto his feet and there was a 10-year-old girl stuffing her face with HIS candy! Before he could grab her and force it out of her mouth, she took off through his door and Gaius’s brain turned it’s gears for a few seconds before he tore after her. 

He burst out of the door and caught her white hair whipping out of sight behind the corner. Gaius ran after her and since he was faster, he caught up in a few seconds. He made a grab for the sweets that she didn’t stuff in her mouth, but she fired some sort of spell that made spikes shoot out of the ground toward him fast. 

He cried out in shock as he weaved away from them easily as she gained distance again. Gaius shook himself and gave chase. She stayed in sight until she ducked behind a door and closed it before he could brace it. He cursed as he heard the lock turn, and then he smiled. He picked the lock easily and the door swung open. He fell into the room expecting resistance, but she didn’t brace it once she locked it because she didn’t expect him to be a thief. 

Her eyes flew open in surprise and she yelped as he tackled her to the ground. He expertly rolled over her and grabbed his candy back. She looked at him with a face that screamed noble. He was immediately disappointed to have a super annoying sweet filcher to compete with. 

He was yanked from his thoughts as she said, “How did you get through the door? I locked it with magic. And how did you dodge my Dark Spikes? You know what, never mind, I don’t even care what a thief like you has to do with me.” 

Gaius said with a mock hurt voice, “I’m sorry you feel so low of me, I promise to do better in the future.” he grinned as she glared at him. “What are you even talking about? I didn’t even steal that loot, I earned it.” 

She arched an eyebrow, “From gambling? Who would give you that much candy from making a bet?” Gaius laughed and said, “You have no idea how much people are willing to bet to make sure their ship wins.”

She looked puzzled and said, “What does ship mean? Is it gangster slang for betting?” Gaius shook his head and said, “Nah, but I’ll explain it to you. When people get into Askr and become Heroes, the people already here suggest a romantic pairing. If that pairing actually happens for real, then the people who bet another pairing have to give up everything they bet to the winner, and since so many people bet on these pairings, I get rich from each one I win.”

She replied, “But how do you know which pairing will win? Is there an algorithm that you developed or do you sneak around to get dirt or information to help your decision along?” 

Gaius grinned and said, “Nah, I just have an eye for this sort of thing. I’ve never been wrong on a bet once.” She smirked and said, “Care to bet on that?” He grinned and said, “I like your style. I’ll come to you with your winnings if you ever win.” She snorted and said, “I look forward to it.” 

She started to walk off, but Gaius said, “Wait! I need to know your name for my records.” She turned around and said, “Sure, My name’s Lysithea, how about yours?” He smirked and said, “My name’s Gaius, but most people just call me Gaius. You can call me, Gaius.” She giggled and walked over to her room.

Gaius chuckled and walked back to his room. He was oddly exhilarated by the exchange as his heartbeat at a million decibels per Twix. He told his body to calm down, but it wouldn’t listen to him. ‘Stupid body’ Gaius thought as he told himself not to eat too much sugar before he went to bed. As a result, he stayed up all night, but whether that was from Lysithea or the sugar he couldn’t tell.


	2. Are we there yet?  Please be over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius has a hangover from candy and goes around. He finds the biggest score ever and tries to steal it when our favorite 10 year old gets in his way. They make it out, but not before something wacky and crazy happens at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my second chapter, where I like to get a little goofy, a little crazy, a little silly, and drink some La Croix

Gaius woke up to the feeling of a vice gripping his skull. He groaned and silently resolved not to consume sugar past bedtime. Despite his massive headache, he got out of bed and walked to his mirror. His hair was unkempt and his eyes sported huge bags of shadow, so he decided to go outside even though he looked and felt like a hot mess. 

He sighed and strolled down the streets of Askr. The sun was blazing overhead which made his headache even worse. He groaned and Robin looked over at him and smirked. 

“Another late night enjoying your winnings?” Gaius shot him a leer and Robin chuckled. 

“Go jump in a lake bubbles, I can’t even argue right now.” Robin’s eyebrow arched. Gaius was always ready to argue with anyone who wanted to. It was unlike him to sulk around after winning two huge bets. 

“I heard about your new job Gaius. I hope it goes well?” Gaius retained some of his old self once he remembered about the job he was going on. When was he going? Gaius’s head was not functioning very well after his bonanza last night. He supposed he should go as soon as possible so no one else could sweep the loot out from under him. 

Gaius smiled and said, “I’m about to start on it now. Guess I should get going and prepare for the big steal. Care to join in Bubbles? I could make it worth your while.” Robin flushed and it was Gaius’s turn to raise his eyebrow at the other. 

“No? Well, I guess I’ll head off.” His grin resurfaced and he strutted around the corner, away from Robin and his gang. Gaius rounded the corner and caught a new sight to him. There were a group of nobles consisting of Lorenz, Ferdinand, and Virion, all looking up and berating Donnel, Rinkah, and Hinata all laughing down at them. The nobles were all dripping wet.

Gaius grinned as the commoners flipped off the nobles as they started yelling and fuming about their status. Gaius laughed and continued walking to wherever he was going. He loved it when nobles got knocked off their high horses and very upset about it. 

It was at this moment that Gaius realized he had no idea where this job would be. Or what it was. Robin just kinda mentioned he had a job and he walked off, not really noticing where he was going. Gaius started looking around for a cosmic clue about what to do. 

That was when he noticed Gregor talking to someone with a red cape. ‘Mathew,’ Gaius thought, ‘it had to be him.’ They were speaking in hushed tones about something at the docks. He remembered they both had racked up a sizable debt to him in betting, but Gregor had less. 

They hushed up when he passed them and his suspicion was confirmed. They had been talking about clearing their debt and they wanted to keep him in the dark so he didn’t get it himself. He started walking to the docks and on the way, he kept getting weird looks and most people hushed up. 

Gaius’s hangover was finally wearing off and he was back to his cheerful, stealing self, but everyone else was quiet about everything. He just made big money on Robin and Chrom and he only collected money from the two biggest gamblers. He still has a ton of people who haven’t given him money. 

Gaius cursed as he remembered how cocky he was carrying the loot right through the center of the Askr marketplace. He must have whipped them all into a frenzy to gather candy to pay off the debt. Now a score that would have been all his was being fought over by everyone who owed him money and candy alike. 

‘And practically everyone in Askr owes me money,’ Gaius thought sullenly. This may just be the hardest score to pull off in a long while. He cursed and started to run to the docks. He didn’t care about the people looking at him, but they started to become fewer and fewer as he got closer to the docks. 

When he got in range of the docks, he stopped running so he could listen to any information on where the stash was. He hid behind a crate as a couple of people appeared with weapons. He saw their coats were emblazoned with a big H. He cursed as the guards walked past him and he saw more soldiers patrolling the shipment. 

He wondered why they had so much heat on the shipments, but the answer was staring him in the face. They must have heard about Gaius’s betting ring and they knew what the currency was. They naturally beefed up security because the shipments had been unguarded since Gaius was summoned. 

He cursed again as two figures made a break for it. They were apparently undeterred by the huge number of guards surrounding the shipment. He realized they were Julian and Rickard and they were stealing to the shipment. He followed them with his eyes until they had gotten inside the shipment. They came out later with big sacks of loot. 

Gaius rolled his eyes; they had clearly not thought about the added weight the bags would add to their own weight. They would not be able to out stealth the guards with the giant sacks. He smirked when Rickard stumbled on a jump and fell. Julian stopped and looked at him as he dropped the sack of Hershey's on the ground

Gaius almost laughed at the textbook mistake. The guards all turned and attacked. They were outnumbered and were arrested in seconds. While they were being taken away, Gaius saw another figure moving to the shipment, but they weren’t stealthy at all. They had hidden with magic and were only able to go because of the guards being distracted. 

Gaius realized that he shouldn’t just be watching and he started to make his move. ‘Whoever this person was, they would deal with the cash later. What matters is getting the loot and getting out alive,’ Gaius thought as he jumped around the shipment, avoiding the guards collected around the duo idiots. 

As he cleared them, he slipped into the shipment container and looked around. His face lit up at the sheer amount of candy before his eyes. All the Hershey he could ever want was sitting there for him. He was torn about leaving most of it behind, but there was no other way. 

As he began loading his sack with goods, he saw the mage with the magic enter the shipment as well. When she took her hood off, he was surprised to see Lysithea’s white hair flow out of the hood. She looked at him and said with a hint of anger,  
“Why are you here?” 

Gaius shrugged and said, “To get the goods, why else?” he started to stuff his sack and Lystithea glowered at him. 

“You didn’t even research this find. This was my steal! I was supposed to be the only one who knew about this shipment. How did you even know about it?” Gaius laughed and Lysithea fumed even more. 

“Everyone knows about this shipment because I whipped them into a frenzy about getting the money to pay me back. You see, almost everyone bets on ships, and I have never been wrong, so naturally, practically everyone in Askr owes me money. They all got nervous when I paraded my winnings from Chrom about Bubbles and Red, so they did everything they could to find a way to pay me back. I just wanted to find a steal, but now I’m competing with more people to steal it. Why are you here anyway? You’re too new here to owe me money.” 

She nodded and said, “I just wanted candy like you, but everyone thought I was trying to get in your good books. I don’t know why, but everyone thinks you have a winning smile.” She smirked as Gaius was taken aback. Who thought he had a winning smile? He shook himself out of it and said,

“Well, I guess we’re partners now. Any idea how we get out of here? After the heat from the idiots, we can expect the guards will be more relaxed after repelling a threat. They normally don’t have to deal with more than one attempt.” 

Lysithea commented, “And they’re looking for people trying to break in, not people who are sneaking out.” 

Gaius nodded, “Good point, Sith. You would make a great thief.” Lysithea raised an eyebrow inquisitive and said, “Sith?” 

“Oh, that’s your nickname. Sith. Everyone has one, like how Anna is Red, Robin is Bubbles, and Sumia is Stumbles. You’ll get used to it.” 

She laughed and said, “I think not. People call me Lysithea no matter what.” Gaius shrugged and looked out of the shipment. The guards were still over by Julian and Rickard, so he determined that now would be a good time to escape. They dispersed as soon as they were at the door to the container and moving in fast. 

“Time to go. See you around Sith!” he whispered and jumped off the container. The outside of the shipment was strange like he was falling far too much for the short, 5-foot drop below him onto the ground. Then he looked down and he was not looking at the pavement anymore. He was looking at a sparkly void that was quickly enveloping his surroundings. 

He had enough time to say to himself ‘what,’ before being sucked into the strange portal and falling into nothingness surrounded by those strange sparkles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanted normal fanfic, then please stay because I really need friends.


	3. Blevin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaze is blackmailing Gaius into helping him with his thing. Lysithea loves one of them (oh gosh who could it be I'm so ready for the big reveal). There is also Saizo and he is funy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, I know Rickard is not in Heroes, but fuck you, I'm not changing it. If I reread a chapter of this dumpster fire of a fic, something would happen, so I hope you're ready for chapter 3.

Gaius woke up and felt a really bad headache that smacked him in the back of the head. He sat up in his bed and was met with a stare of death from a face scared with huge lines. Gaius shrieked and now the top of his head was stinging as well as the back from the impact of hitting his head on the wall. He rubbed it and got out of the bed. 

Lysithea was watching him, giggling like a middle schooler, took a sip from her coffee mug, and leaned back on the wall. Gaius got a look at the scary guy who made him scream like a 4-year-old girl. To his dismay, it was the guy whom he has made fun of on many occasions; Saizo. Now he was smirking at Gaius’s expression. 

Gaius was very upset that first he got duped by Saizo, then Lysithea saw it all and found it hilarious. As if things couldn’t get any worse, Saizo’s brother Kaze walked in and smiled as he said,

“Ah, you’re finally awake Gaius! How do you feel?” Gaius groaned and said,

“Not great, but I would really appreciate some coffee, thanks.” He procured a coffee mug from somewhere. Gaius wondered where the coffee mug came from, but he looked inside the mug and saw the sugar inside it. He forgot about his questions and drowned himself in the sugary goodness. 

‘Kaze does take some candy every once in a while, but he did have some good stuff,’ Gaius thought and silently resolved to tease him less. He got shaken out of his thoughts by Kaze’s next question. 

“So I saw what happened last night. Nice job.” Gaius was not surprised and he sighed with contempt. Of course, he knew what happened last night because he probably swooped under them and grabbed their hard-earned score. Gaius silently took away the other silent thought about treating him better. 

“Shitty job if you ask me.” Saizo grimaced and Gaius protested. 

“Well, we would have gotten away if you hadn’t smoked us. Why the fuck would you do that anyway?” Saizo rolls his eyes and walks out of the room as Kaze takes a breath. 

“Well, I guess I have some explaining to do. You know how much cash you get from betting, right?” Gaius nodded and Kaze elaborated. 

“When you paraded your winnings down the main street, everyone got nervous because almost no one has their candy to pay you. So this huge mob boss got together a fund to pay for everyone’s bets, so naturally, he got a lot of people to join up. I have an inkling of a feeling that they won’t get their candy back and he’s just milking the free labor out of the people so he can pay his debt to you.” Gaius interrupted and said,

“Wait, what? I won so many bets that a mafia ring got started and people are being exploited because of it? Why did people take it so seriously? I just like having candy!” Kaze continued and said,

“Well, you started this whole mess, so know you will get all of us out of it. I have a plan to get inside the headquarters of this boss. He’s running everything out of Frederick’s place because it’s so huge.” Lysithea interjected,

“Why would Frederick let them in his estate? I got the impression that he only served his liege, Chrom, so why would a mafia get set up in his place?” 

“Well, I’ve seen him enforce some stuff around Askr. He’s the boss’s right-hand man.” Gaius interjected and said,

“Why did you ask him about that Sith? Also, why are you still here?” Lysithea backpedaled and said,

“I just wanted to, uh, do the job so I could, uh” She stammered on and on for a bit and Gaius said,

“You just wanted to get some to blackmail me with, is that right?” She backpedaled even further and said,

“No! I just really needed some candy! Not for me, of course. I just, er-” She kept on fiddling with her hair and looking to the floor and Gaius was sincerely puzzled and confused as to his current predicament. 

“So you want to cozy up to me while also getting some candy?” Lysithea turned beet red and started to murmur something about needing cake. Gaius nodded and then shook his head violently. He had gone along with everything that was happening to him ever since he won that bet with Joshua, and he had had just about enough. 

“Why am I even agreeing to help you Kaze? You’re just competition!” Kaze grinned and said,

“Why, because of my good looks and clearly Sith has fallen for one of us judging on how red she just got.” Gaius looked puzzled and angry that Kaze beat him in something again as Lysithea yelled,

“I DON’T WANT TO GAIN APPROVAL, I JUST LIKE TO EAT CANDY!!!” Gaius jumped back and nodded enthusiastically. Kaze just smiled and continued with his plan to get control back from this mafia. 

“We have to recruit more people to get this operation off the ground.” Gaius put his hands behind his head and said,

“And what if I don’t want to help you with your little crusade? What’s in it for me?” Kaze grew a wide smile and said,

“Well, if you don’t want to, then I guess Saizo and I will have to keep your loot from the raid last night. It isn’t yours, after all.” Gaius processed the information and flipped a coin in his head. If it was heads, he would help, and if it was tails, he would strangle Kaze and take all the candy in sight. 

‘God damn it, why is the coin always tails?’ Gaius thought and said,

“Fine, I’ll participate in your little pipe dream of a scheme. What’s the first step?” Kaze grinned and said, 

“First, we need to find an old friend of mine that owes me a favor. Then, I have an informant we have to visit. After that, we can scheme up a plan to bust this whole operation in two. Who’s with me?” 

He raised his hand and put it in front of him like a team leader from kindergarten, Gaius noted as he reluctantly put his hand on top of Kaze’s. Lystithea put her hand on Gaius’s and he felt how warm it was. He looked at her and so did she; making brief eye contact with him. She looked away quickly with a pink tinge to her cheeks. 

Gaius cursed. Why did Kaze have to be better at everything Gaius was passable at? He was super good looking and a super agreeable personality. Even Lysithea was infatuated with him. He could even get Gaius off his game when stealing, which is impossible. Gaius was the best thief around.

“Well, who are we going to find?” Lysithea asked, recovering from the brief contact. Kaze replied,

“I need to see an old friend.” Gaius rolled his eyes and said,

“Please be vaguer; I want to know even less about what I have to do to get MY candy back that YOU stole.” 

“Stealing is our profession, and you stole that candy in the first place. And don’t give me that garbage about snaking another man’s score. Stealing is stealing, no matter how it is done or who it is from.” 

“Fine you insufferable prick, but who is this friend of yours who’s going to ‘help’ you on your stupid half-assed fever dream?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope these next few chapters are less stupid to read and write. I also hope that these chapters keep coming out on time. This was a close one.


	4. The High Deliverer Graces Us With His Great And Powerful Presence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so things got a little bit out of hand, but I think everything turned out fine? I'll sleep on it and probably WANT to rewrite the whole thing tomorrow morning, but I'm lazy, so yeah. Hope you like the only returning character from the last fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little mutual pining esc in the middle, but it's nowhere near as good as my boy cody_eja. This guy writes some great Fates/Awakening stuff (mostly Robin/Cordelia), but if you're a fan of this, go check it out.

“Why are you not telling us anything about your friend? I’m starting to think you don’t have a friend.” Gaius was getting his composure back after conceding to Kaze to go on his mission. He still did not have any clue what or why he was going, but Kaze took his candy, and that was unforgivable in Gaius’s mind. 

They were walking through the streets of Askr trying to find Kaze’s strange friend when they heard a muffled yell in the distance. 

“What on Naga’s flat Ylisse is that?” said Gaius as Lysithea rolled her eyes. 

“Ylisse isn’t flat Gaius, it’s round just like the rest of the world.” 

“If it’s round, then why does it look flat to me? Can your science explain that?” Kaze inquired with a smug expression. Lysithea rolled her eyes again and said,

“Because the world is too big to see the curvature in the Earth. That’s why you can’t just see everything from a high place.” Kaze slumped in defeat until he asked another question with renewed   
confidence. 

“Well if your science can answer that question, then can your science explain why it rains?” 

“YES! YES, IT CAN!” Lysithea yelled and Kaze jumped back. 

“I think you misunderstood what I said, THERE ARE PEOPLE YELLING!!! IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THE EARTH IS FLAT OR WHY IT RAINS!!! WE SHOULD GO OVER AND SEE WHAT’S UP!!!” Gaius yelled at the top of his lungs to restore order. 

“I guess you’re right, let’s go see what happened.” Kaze raced ahead and Gaius followed, but he said to Lysithea before he left,

“There is no way the Earth is round, you said that to shut him up. Thanks for that.” Lysithea didn’t know whether to be touched or annoyed that her partner in crime was an idiot and really sweet. She shook off the thought and ran after him. 

When they arrived at the source of the screams, Kaze and Gaius waited at the door of the residence. They counted to three and bust down the door as the three of them ran inside to rescue whoever was screaming. The scene that met them was not what they expected in the slightest.

The room was lit with a large fire in the center, with a gigantic pot over it. A spit was turning over it with three familiar faces tied to it with rope. 

“You roguish fiend, I demand you release us at once!” Ferdinand Von Aegir screamed at a woman laughing as she turned the spit. Gaius groaned as he saw who Kaze’s friend was, as it would make this whole operation even more difficult for him to get more candy.

“Rinkah, let the nobles go! I know they suck but is roasting them really necessary?” 

Rinkah laughed and said,

“Aw, but they’re asking for it. They were gagging outside of my room while insulting my stew, so I decided to spice it up. Their hardened sweat makes better salt than even the Flame Tribe’s best sample.” 

“What the fuck is wrong with your friend Kaze? What the actual fuck? Their sweat is better than salt? What the hell is wrong with you Rinkah? You are seriously messed up!” 

Rinkah looked at him and said,

“And just like that, you’ve lost all rights to fucking stand!” As Rinkah chased Gaius around the pot, Kaze asked Rinkah,

“I have a proposition for you.” 

“What is it? How could it be better than this?” 

“It’s about candy.” Rinkah stopped running and said after a few moments,

“Why would I want candy? I don’t like candy!” The words were hostile, but Gaius saw her face and smirked. While she acted all rough and tough, she couldn’t hide her enormous sweet tooth. 

“We need your help with a job. There’s a mafia surrounding the candy bets that Gaius made. We need to bust it up so people don’t get scammed into working for them and losing their candy. Their boss is telling them that he can pay off their debts if they work for him, but he’s just going to clear his own debt and fade away because nobody knows who he is.” 

“So we need to save all these people from losing their candy and letting this boss man escape judgment. Will you help?” 

Rinkah was weighing the two things in her head, watching nobles, or getting candy with Kaze. After a few more seconds, she decided.

“Alright, what are we going to do against this mafia? Pound it to shreds? Burn it to the core?” 

Kaze laughed and said,

“No, but you and I have some reconnaissance to do. Rinkah, come with me for this.” Rinkah smiled coyly and said,

“What are we going to scout out, master ninja?” Kaze grinned and replied,

“Well, I thought that we would go and see some of the sights and figure it out along the way.” She grinned and grabbed him. 

“Wait, what are we supposed to do while you’re gone?” 

“Visit the informant, he’ll know what to do.” Gaius raised his arms and yelled,

“WHERE? AND WHO?”

“He’s at Joshua’s place, just talk to him will you?” 

“Stop stalling, you sweet-toothed model, we’re going!” As they rushed off, Gaius’s head was spinning and Lysithea said,

“Well, I guess we’ll have to go to Joshua’s place was it?” Gaius replied,

“Yeah, he’s an old friend I make bets with every now and then. Don’t know why he’s connected to the informant though. He’s probably just renting out his warehouse for some rival boss who pays huge bands for keeping in the wings.” 

Lysithea nodded along while Gaius was talking, and marveled at how methodically he was talking. It almost sounded like the science she studied at Garrig Mach; figure out what you have to do to achieve the desired outcome of the experiment. 

‘That’s interesting,’ she thought, ‘I pegged most of the thieves here as more boneheads with a talent for pickpocketing, but Gaius is more thoughtful than that. He thinks about cause and effect and how to maximize payout.’

‘I wonder if he’s seeing anyone-’ Lysithea shook her head and blushed. ‘No, of course not. He’s already got somebody, hasn’t he? Nobody could win all those bets without skin in the game, and Gaius is such a sweet talker. But could he possibly-” 

She shook her head again and flushed even brighter. ‘No, how could he? No one ever has feelings for me, I’m just the sarcastic mage who makes everyone feel inferior because they don’t know one thing that I do. I’m nobody to him.’ 

‘It was the most rational conclusion,’ she thought, ‘Even if it made her heart shatter to even imagine it.’ All she ever did was berate him for making bad decisions and making fun of him for when they came back to bite him. He never even wanted to go with this mission anyway.

She lowered her head, ‘The only reason that he’s still here is that he feels obligated to help me out, that has to be it. He can’t be doing it just for me.’ She sighed and looked over at Gaius. He was humming while fiddling with the lollipop in his mouth. When he turned to smile at her, her heart melted and she just wanted to hug him for the rest of time.

“Sith, what are you looking at? Is the boss behind me?” She blushed furiously and mumbled something. Gaius grimaced and looked back behind him while she was still mumbling. To his dismay, it was Virion chatting up some women and they were all laughing flirtatiously. He cursed under his breath.

‘Of course, she likes that idiot womanizer, he has all the charm in the world while I still eat lollipops.’ He pulled it out and tossed it on the ground. Gaius snorted, ‘who was he kidding? He wasn’t the refined noble that Sith wanted, he was a stealing knave who deserved prison. What right did he have to be with her?’ 

He shook off the thoughts of Lysithea as they approached the warehouse where Joshua did his dealings. It looked the same as always, so nobody was in charge of him; they were just renting. Gaius breathed a sigh of relief; he hated when his fellow ‘colleagues’ got stolen and locked under a business model. Their type of work didn’t involve a monthly quota and a paycheck. 

“What do we expect from this place Gaius?” Lysithea asked as she leaned on the side of the wall. 

“Let’s just find out. Joshua is reasonable, but this new guy might be different, and he’ll be the one calling the shots. I guess we hope for the best.” 

“Right with you.” Gaius nodded and Lysithea opened the door. The room was dimly lit and the previous contents of the warehouse were cleaned up except for the table in the middle of the room. It was where Joshua was standing with his boss. 

He had a hood covering his face and wore a cloak which made it impossible to guess anything about his identity which Gaius assumed was intentional. Joshua stood behind him looking a little amused about the whole situation. 

If Gaius wasn’t on his guard before, he was now. Joshua was famous for being one step ahead of his opponents and usually, that meant information. 

“Come, sit down. My partner tells me you are associated with Kaze and his partner Rinkah, yes? I believe we can work something out if you are reasonable.” he gestured to the four chairs which Gaius and Lysithea both took. The stranger’s voice was definitely male, but it was very hard to place which male he was. There was no accent at all, and the tone was super uniform, so there was almost nothing to go off of. His voice was too generic to place. 

“I hear you plan to topple the empire built by a mysterious boss man. I am here to supply you with a plan to get the job done, with the right tools and equipment to get the job done right, and a man to get the job done on time. Joshua will supply you with everything you need and will also accompany you to make sure I get my cut of the spoils.” 

“Alright then, your currency is candy. Name your price.” 

“Fifty percent.” Gaius laughed and said,

“Nice lowball. You’re supplying intel and equipment, that’s five percent at most. I’ll go fifteen and that’s it.” 

“Forty percent.”

“Fifteen.”

“Twenty.”

“Ten.”

“I believe we have a deal, Gaius. Everything is in order and will take place immediately. Joshua, if you please.” He nodded and walked over to the crates. Gaius was happy that this whole thing could finally go behind him, but he wouldn’t have an excuse to hang around Lysithea anymore, so he was conflicted. 

‘Well, I guess we have to get going on this mission,’ Gaius thought and followed Joshua and Lysithea over to the crates to start planning the mission. It was going to be a long night, but Gaius always had some sugar on him for just such an occasion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone got the Ninjago reference, they get a shoutout next chapter. (Please, I worked really hard on it.)


	5. Infiltration screwed up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The legendary boss is holed up in his mansion while Gaius and his team plot to get inside. Once the nobles reappear, drunk and dazed, they seize their chance and get inside. After that, things went sideways, but I won't tell you what happens because I want you to read the whole thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it finally happened. I finally missed a deadline. I AM SO SORRY IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN I SWEAR IT ON MY DEAR SNICKERS BARS!!! So with that out of the way, please enjoy.

“So what’s the plan again Sith? I wasn’t paying any attention and thought I could wing it, but this looks beyond winging potential.” Lysithea rolled her eyes and continued watching the palace where their enemy lay waiting. 

There were at least twenty guards unloading a shipment of candy into the palace and who else but Frederick was overseeing the tasks himself. His appearance had shifted from a loyal knight   
who served Lady Lissa, to a cruel and dangerous criminal who would do anything to get paid. 

Gaius realized the irony in this situation, calling someone else a cruel criminal, but hey, even he had standards. He shot a quick look at Lysithea as he thought about her standards. 

‘Probably not even in throwing distance of those,’ Gaius thought to himself and continued to gaze at the building, waiting for Kaze and his girlfriend to show up. Unbeknownst to Gaius, as soon as he tore his eyes away from Lysithea, she looked back at him, hoping for a chance to get to know him better. 

Rinkah and Kaze were supposed to find a distraction to lure away the guards so they could slip in relatively unseen. It was Lysithea’s idea to lure them away, but Rinkah made Kaze go with her, so now the three of them were watching and waiting for their return. 

“Hey lovebirds, your twins just arrived.” Lysithea jumped about a foot into the air when she heard Joshua’s voice, and Gaius laughed at her, making her even redder from embarrassment. 

Rinkah and Kaze were behind him and looked at each other in a way that almost made Gaius puke, but he held it in so as not to waste any candy. 

‘Why do they have to act so lovey-dovey while we're here? Do they know what they're insinuating about us as well?’ Gaius and Lysithea both thought before turning red and looking away. 

Joshua would have smirked, but he was tired of this whole thing and wanted to get paid, so he gave it no notice. Once they had settled down, he said,

“Look who’s here.” He gestured to the warehouse and Gaius almost laughed. The three nobles, who were blackout drunk, were stumbling towards the guards, laughing and drinking more. 

“Is this your distraction? You really have it out for nobles, don’t you Rinkah?” She smirked at Gaius and said,

“Are we going or what? Our job was to get a distraction and we did.” Joshua shrugged and made the first move. For a myrmidon, he could move quite silently, so he slipped past them without a second glance. 

Kaze and Rinkah followed, but Rinkah tripped on the doorframe. Gaius winced and looked frantically at the guards. They hadn’t noticed them yet and were behind Frederick trying to make the nobles go away. 

Gaius exhaled and made the first jump. Lysithea followed, but he heard the nobles’ voices getting quieter as they were pushed away. They had little time to make it and they wouldn’t get another chance. 

Gaius sacrificed his stealth for speed, but Lysithea couldn’t keep up. Gaius looked back at her for a moment when she hadn’t matched his pace, but then tragedy struck. While his eyes were distracted, his foot stepped down on a bottle, breaking it instantly. Every guard looked his way and Gaius drew his dagger, ready for a fight. 

But they went back to their positions like he was a ghost. Gaius looked around and saw Lysithea with her arms outstretched, her face locked in a grimace. She had been the one who masked his presence and hers. 

She stumbled on the way over to him, but the guards were silenced, so no senses would be available to them. She made it to him and Gaius caught her as she fell. She kept the barrier up as Gaius sprinted to the door. The others had vanished once Gaius had taken a misstep, but once they made it inside, they weren’t far behind. 

“Gaius? Lysithea? How did you get out of there? Are you hurt?” She shook her head and Gaius put her down. She seemed frail, but her strength was returning and her eyes looked less grey and pinker like normal. 

“Guys? Next step?” Joshua said, not liking the hesitation in the plan. They all snapped back to reality and began running towards the top floors. A guard was stationed across from the door to the stairs, so Rinkah walked forward and started to flirt, hands grasping his chest. 

A knock in the balls later, they were running up the stairs, taking out grunts as they went along. Gaius led the group while Kaze covered their behinds as Lysithea and RInkah stood around Joshua, who was getting annoyed that it was taking this long. 

‘Just wait for it he says,’ thought Joshua, ‘He makes these bets, how can he be so blind?’ He shook his head and continued running. Once they got to the top floor of the mansion, the guards outside the room. They all turned and attacked.

“Keep going you two!” Kaze yelled as Joshua lashed out with his drawn sword. The first guard brought up his spear to defend, but it got snapped in two. Joshua then punched the guy in the face as the other two drew weapons and fought the remaining guards. 

“Come on!” Gaius grabbed Lysithea’s hand and pulled her through the door. They reached an empty room filled with papers, but no boss was in sight. They looked at each other, an unspoken question in both of their eyes. 

Then a crash sounded in the background and they remembered that they had limited time. They ran to grab as much paper as they could carry and made for the exit at the other side of the office. Gaius and Lysithea also stopped moving for papers once they saw everything else. 

The candy was not as much as they expected, but it was the best. They even had Reese’s, glistening in the light of the uncovered window. Gaius’s mouth was watering and he grabbed as many as he could hold and ran to the exit; Lysithea hot on his heels. 

They got there and realized that the sounds of battle had stopped and now it was mostly quiet. They both cringed and slowly turned around to face the way they came in. Once they got the rest of the way around, Lysithea gasped and Gaius shivered. 

Frederick had gotten to the top of the room, grinning a grin Gaius had never seen on him and never wanted to see ever again. But what unsettled him more was who was with him. Kaze and Rinkah were behind him, and knives were at their throats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it was short, but I needed to get something out today. It will be better, just wait for the next one. Also. nobody got the Ninjago reference, so I'm a little triggered. Do better. alsopleasedontleaveineedfriendspleasedontleaveme


	6. Imagine naming your chapters something meaningful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Infiltration begins and ya bois are doing Naga's work in there. Also Frederick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm not dead

“So what’s the plan again Sith? I wasn’t paying any attention and thought I could wing it, but this looks beyond winging potential.” Lysithea rolled her eyes and continued watching the palace where their enemy lay waiting. 

There were at least twenty guards unloading a shipment of candy into the palace and who else but Frederick was overseeing the tasks himself. His appearance had shifted from a loyal knight who served Lady Lissa, to a cruel and dangerous criminal who would do anything to get paid. 

Gaius realized the irony in this situation, calling someone else a cruel criminal, but hey, even he had standards. He shot a quick look at Lysithea as he thought about her standards. 

‘Probably not even in throwing distance of those,’ Gaius thought to himself and continued to gaze at the building, waiting for Kaze and his girlfriend to show up. Unbeknownst to Gaius, as soon as he tore his eyes away from Lysithea, she looked back at him, hoping for a chance to get to know him better. 

Rinkah and Kaze were supposed to find a distraction to lure away the guards so they could slip in relatively unseen. It was Lysithea’s idea to lure them away, but Rinkah made Kaze go with her, so now the three of them were watching and waiting for their return. 

“Hey lovebirds, your twins just arrived.” Lysithea jumped about a foot into the air when she heard Joshua’s voice, and Gaius laughed at her, making her even redder from embarrassment. 

Rinkah and Kaze were behind him and looked at each other in a way that almost made Gaius puke, but he held it in so as not to waste any candy. 

‘Why do they have to act so lovey-dovey while we're here? Do they know what they're insinuating about us as well?’ Gaius and Lysithea both thought before turning red and looking away. 

Joshua would have smirked, but he was tired of this whole thing and wanted to get paid, so he gave it no notice. Once they had settled down, he said,

“Look who’s here.” He gestured to the warehouse and Gaius almost laughed. The three nobles, who were blackout drunk, were stumbling towards the guards, laughing and drinking more. 

“Is this the distraction? You really have it out for nobles, don’t you Rinkah?” She smirked at Gaius and said,

“Are we going or what? Our job was to get a distraction and we did.” Joshua shrugged and made the first move. For a myrmidon, he could move quite silently, so he slipped past them without a second glance. 

Kaze and Rinkah followed, but Rinkah tripped on the doorframe. Gaius winced and looked frantically at the guards. They hadn’t noticed them yet and were behind Frederick trying to make the nobles go away. 

Gaius exhaled and made the first jump. Lysithea followed, but he heard the nobles’ voices getting quieter as they were pushed away. They had little time to make it and they wouldn’t get another chance. 

Gaius sacrificed his stealth for speed, but Lysithea couldn’t keep up. Gaius looked back at her for a moment when she hadn’t matched his pace, but then tragedy struck. While his eyes were distracted, his foot stepped down on a bottle, breaking it instantly. Every guard looked his way and Gaius drew his dagger, ready for a fight. 

But they went back to their positions; like he was a ghost. Gaius looked around and saw Lysithea with her arms outstretched, her face locked in a grimace. She had been the one who masked his presence and hers. 

She stumbled on the way over to him, but the guards were silenced, so no senses would be available to them. She made it to him and Gaius caught her as she fell. She kept the barrier up as Gaius sprinted to the door. The others had vanished once Gaius had taken a misstep, but once they made it inside, they weren’t far behind. 

“Gaius? Lysithea? How did you get out of there? Are you hurt?” She shook her head and Gaius put her down. She seemed frail, but her strength was returning and her eyes looked less grey and pinker like normal. 

“Guys? Next step?” Joshua said, not liking the hesitation in the plan. They all snapped back to reality and began running towards the top floors. A guard was stationed across from the door to the stairs, so Rinkah walked forward and started to flirt, hands grasping his chest. 

A knock in the balls later, they were running up the stairs, taking out grunts as they went along. Gaius led the group while Kaze covered their behinds as Lysithea and RInkah stood around Joshua, who was getting annoyed that it was taking this long. 

‘Just wait for it he says,’ thought Joshua, ‘He makes these bets, how can he be so blind?’ He shook his head and continued running. Once they got to the top floor of the mansion, the guards outside the room. They all turned and attacked.

“Keep going you two!” Kaze yelled as Joshua lashed out with his drawn sword. The first guard brought up his spear to defend, but it got snapped in two. Joshua then punched the guy in the face as the other two drew weapons and fought the remaining guards. 

“Come on!” Gaius grabbed Lysithea’s hand and pulled her through the door. They reached an empty room filled with papers, but no boss was in sight. They looked at each other, an unspoken question in both of their eyes. 

Then a crash sounded in the background and they remembered that they had limited time. They ran to grab as much paper as they could carry and made for the exit at the other side of the office. Gaius and Lysithea also stopped moving for papers once they saw everything else. 

The candy was not as much as they expected, but it was the best. It was beautiful, glistening in the light of the uncovered window. There were even lollipops. Gaius’s mouth was watering and he grabbed as many as he could hold and ran to the exit; Lysithea hot on his heels. 

They got there and realized that the sounds of battle had stopped and now it was mostly quiet. They both cringed and slowly turned around to face the way they came in. Once they got the rest of the way around, Lysithea gasped and Gaius shivered. 

Frederick had gotten to the top of the room, grinning a grin Gaius had never seen on him and never wanted to see ever again. But what unsettled him more was who was with him. Kaze and Rinkah were being held in front of him, and knives were at their throats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week, I promise


	7. Please skip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ugh, how did I think this was even close to good writing? Gaius is pretty crazy lmao and so is Lysithea. It's pretty wacky and pretty hip and cool if I do say so myself (why do you put up with me?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> day late, don't care

Whatever Gaius expected Rinkah would do, it was not even close to the level of discomfort he felt now. He would never forgive Kaze for letting this happen. 

“So, what are you guys gonna do after we sort out this mafia?” Gaius groaned internally and resisted the urge to drop his head on the table. Kaze was enjoying himself; Gaius could feel it. 

So Rinkah decided that it would be funny to take the four of them on a double date in broad daylight. And Kaze was enjoying his discomfort almost as much as his girlfriend. 

He glanced over at Lysithea and could see she was just as uncomfortable as he was. Gaius grimaced as he was reminded yet again of her attitude towards him. He wished they could be at least friends even if he wanted it to be more, but she didn’t talk to him the way that she used to. 

He sighed and replied to Kaze’s question with the most sarcastic tone he could,

“I’ll finally rest, and watch the sun rise on a grateful universe. What the hell do you think I’m gonna do? Keep betting, keep stealing, keep eating candy, and living the good life.” He finished with a smug grin, finally feeling better about going back to his solitary lifestyle. 

Rinkah grunted in impatience and asked Lysithea the same question, but with more suggestion in her eyes. Her shade of red got far darker and she began to speak,

“I-I gu-guess I’ll continue t-to re-research magic.” She breathed and her voice got under control. 

“Honestly, you two are so boring. How about seeing somebody, eh? How about you golden boy, got anyone on your radar?” Kaze said as he leaned on his hands. Gaius, for the first time in a long while, became flustered. 

“W-well, I guess I-I don’t r-really know w-what’s gonna h-happen. I don’t really have anyone right now, but if someone comes around, then why not, am I right?” Gaius said. ‘Man, I saved it by the end, they have no idea how nervous I am. Nervous? I’m not nervous! Who said I was nervous!?!’ 

His inner dilemma was halted; however, by a certain someone coughing. He looked up and saw Kaze looking at him with a glint in his eye. 

“Can I talk to you for a sec Kaze, my dearest friend?” He took the ninja by the arm and walked him out of the restaurant. Once they got outside, he turned around and started to rant on the other ninja. 

“Why are you doing this to me? She is obviously not interested in me, so why are you smooshing the two of us together? I know she won’t feel the same way, but I at least want to be her friend.” 

Kaze looked at him and started laughing uncontrollably. Gaius was confused, so he waited for Kaze to be done so he could explain himself. 

“Your denial is on another level man. How do you not see what is going on?”

“I see that Sith doesn’t want to hang around me for some reason because of how weird she acts around me.” 

“But she is clearly into you! Why do you think she blushes around you all the time? Every other person she has spoken to has been scared away by her loud and irritated yelling. You are the only one who she can talk to without acting annoying.”

“But she’s gotta have someone else she has her eye on. How do I even stand a chance with her?” Kaze almost started laughing again, but then quieted at how serious Gaius was when he looked at him. 

“She’s been here for a week, buddy. I’m pretty sure we are the only people she’s talked to for a while, and she doesn’t get nervous around the two of us.” 

“She’s nervous? I thought she was just upset that I was there, not nervous.” Kaze laughed again and said,

“I guess when you’re nervous, you skip over her nervousness too. It’s what happened to me and Rinkah.” 

“Well, how do I know she feels the same way I do? How can I know?” Kaze opened his mouth and Gaius prepared himself for the most helpful and guiding advice from the best ninja in the women business.

“Idk man, just vibe it.” He walked back to the table with a huge grin on his face as Gaius whisper-yelled at him. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, what do you think about Gaius mageling? Anything jump out at you?” Rinkah said with a huge smirk as she watched the dark mage squirm in her seat and fumble over her words. 

“I-I think h-he’s pretty-y g-great. I h-hope that h-he likes h-hanging out w-with us a-as much as I-I do. Wait, what did I say, I DIDN’T MEAN THAT!” She shrieked and Rinkah laughed out loud. 

“Too late Sith, you said it. Why don’t you just ask him out?” She made a noise that Rinkah didn’t recognize and said,

“Because he’ll say no.” Rinkah scoffed and said,

“He will not. Just look at him every time you're together. Honestly, you two are so oblivious.” Lysithea fired back and said,

“He acts like he doesn’t want to be with me all the time! He doesn’t want me to screw up his chances of getting with his dream girl. Even I know that, so would you and your boyfriend stop trying to smoosh us together?” 

Lysithea was angry, but she was also hurt by the reality that her feelings would never be returned. When she said it in her head, it didn’t hurt her as much as when she said it out loud. 

Rinkah was grinning, probably because she enjoyed her pain and liked watching her squirm under the pressure. 

“You think you’re so smart, but when it comes to men? You couldn’t be more blind. Why do you think he’s so uncomfortable around you? It’s because he’s nervous about you liking him. Why do you think he’s stuck with this whole adventure thing? It’s not for the candy this time.” 

She grinned at the dumbfounded expression coming from the mage in front of her. In all her time thinking about Gaius, she never thought about him liking her back because of how great he was. 

She looked at Rinkah and said, “Do you really think he feels the same?”

Rinkah grinned and said, “Look at how he looks at you when he walks back in here with greenie. You’ll see.” She sat back with her hands behind her head, feeling great about what Kaze should be doing. 

At that moment the other two entered the restaurant again. Right on cue, Gaius looked at Lysithea and even Lysithea could notice a slight pink tinge in his cheeks. She only assumed her blush was far less subtle. 

“So how did your little talk go greenie? Did you figure out more about our little; situation?” Rinkah could have only been talking about the mafia, but Gaius was getting a very bad feeling that she knew about him and Sith. 

“Yeah, we talked about some stuff. Guy stuff, ya know, can’t go spewing it out to everyone who wants to hear it.” Rinkah frowned and said,

“People usually say that about girl talks, why the change? Are you two gossiping?” She glanced at Gaius and smirked at his discomfort. ‘But why is Kaze not getting him to tell her directly? Why isn’t he going according to plan?’

“Why would we gossip about anything Finkah?” Kaze snorted and so did Gaius. Rinkah was starting to become agitated that Kaze was not being predictable. Then she remembered who she was talking about. 

“Well, I guess I should tell you something Sith.” Both of them wheeled around and looked at Gaius who was twiddling his thumbs thinking about how he should do this. 

“I want to-” He was interrupted by a hand being slapped on the table. 

“I have the info, lets go,” Joshua said and left as suddenly as he appeared. Everyone else was just recovering from Gaius’s impromptu confession when they were almost killed by the shock of Joshua being there. 

Joshua huffed; he was used to being ignored, but this was on another level. He had only heard legends of one like him who was ignored at every instance. He was sure his name was Kellam, but he could be wrong, as nobody would agree on the name of the legendary forgotten hero. 

He shrugged and walked off to HIS warehouse that HE bought. Joshua was followed quickly by the rest of their gang who spewed questions and annoying remarks that he showed up during ‘a bad time’. 

“I mean, who shows up at that time? Why did you rush in unannounced?” Joshua turned to Kaze and said, 

“I have been sitting in that restaurant, FOR THIRTY MINUTES!!!” He finished with a yell that shut them up far quicker than he could have ever hoped for. 

He sighed contentedly at the silence that graced his ears as he led them back to the warehouse. ‘Man, this guy is going to be in a twist if my hooded friend has figured out his plan,’ Joshua smirked. 

Nobody could outsmart the greatest tactician a second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm posting on time one of these days, just you wait


	8. Big Boi Heist Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the heist is finally here. Second to last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe anyone reads my ramblings anymore, but kudos to you if you stuck around. Now read more I guess (lmao)

“Well? Is our information good this time?” Gaius asked the hooded figure, his eyes filled with annoyance. He was ready for this whole thing to be over when it started, but now when he was about to do the one thing he wanted to do, this prick interrupted him. 

“I am sure. My information has never been wrong twice. There is no possibility that this secret leader has laid a fake this time. The proof is insurmountable.”

“Well, are we ready? Better get this over with asap as possible, am I right?” Lysithea nodded and Joshua began to share his intel. 

“We know where the boss is. Whoever it is has been holed up in Lissa’s place.” 

“The Ylissian palace? Didn’t Chrom order it destroyed because he was embarrassed that he had to live there?” Joshua shook his head and said,

“Yes, but Lissa built a new one because she was the princess and Frederick is a hard man to turn down. I don’t know how this boss got into Lissa’s palace without her noticing, or why Frederick is not taking them out, but that is our target.”

“Frederick was working for the boss guy Bubbles.” When the tactician looked up in surprise, he continued,

“Honestly, you’re so mysterious and conniving, but you didn’t know Frederick was working for Lissa? Wow. I guess you’re less like Bubbles than I thought.” The hooded man dropped his eyes in relief. His identity was safe. 

“We also know the identity of the boss. They call themselves Mr. L. They work alongside someone else named Ultraviolet and a third called the Quiet One. We know that Mr. L is the leader and the other two follow their lead.” 

“Well, there’s your information. Now for my payment.” Gaius crossed his arms and laughed.

“Oh no big guy. I already paid you for your information. You got your cut, that’s it.” The tactician frowned and said,

“I was under the impression that I would be getting one information piece for you but I got you two instead.” 

“Yeah, the only reason you had to get two is because you screwed up the first time! No extra. That’s the deal.” He huffed and said, 

“Well, I guess you have a job to do.” Gaius nodded and walked out; everyone else followed him. They continued walking till they got near Lissa’s palace. Then they gathered around and figured out their great, cunning plan to take back the palace. Gaius was sure that the team would come up with a strategy to confound even Robin. 

“Same as last time?” Rinkah said with a smirk. The rest nodded and they rushed the guards. Rinkah mainly rushed them because she had a weapon on her. Her head. 

She headbutted the first guy who went flying into the other one. They both hit the ground and didn’t get up. The other two were quickly subdued by Joshua’s blade. They faded into dust as each of them was defeated. 

“Wow, you guys are crazy.” Gaius was a little scared of his companion’s killing potential. 

“Nice work. Now, let's go!” Rinkah slowed down and Kaze looked at her. 

“Rinkah, you good? Did you hit your head too hard on that guy’s face?” She shook her head and said,

“Kaze, one of these guards was wearing Hoshidian regalia. I recondensed the insignia of Nohr on the second guy’s armor. This is more widespread than I thought. Never mind, let's just go.” Gaius wondered why none of Frederick’s cronies were with them. 

They continued inside the palace and were met immediately by two squads of soldiers with Nohr written all over them. They were led by three nobles, one yellow-haired knight, one purple-haired wyvern rider, and one sandy-haired mage. 

They cried, “For Nohr!” and charged them with their soldiers. The party was caught off guard, but Joshua reacted first. He sliced into the first guy, killing him instantly. Then he backstepped and stabbed the wyvern in the eye. It roared and the girl riding the wyvern hopped off. 

She fought with Joshua as the knight took a swing at Rinkah. She dodged and hit him with her club. It dented his armor, but it threw him off balance and more importantly off his horse. He went flying into the wall but was saved by the mage. 

They stepped into battle, the knight fought with Rinkah, the mage tried to help him, but was blocked by Lysithea. They began their own mage battle as the thief and ninja focused on the rest of the horde. 

After a few more minutes, the battle quieted and all that was left of the guards was the knight. He spoke and Gaius swore he could recognise his voice from somewhere. 

“You’ll never win. The Sons of Grima will not lose our pride. You may have defeated us, but you will not defeat all of us!” He shouted as Joshua cut him down. Everyone looked at him and he defended himself,

“What? He was boring.” Lysithea pursed her lips and said,

“Well, at least we finally know what they’re called. The Sons of Grima. I feel like I’ve heard that name from somewhere. Gaius, do you know what that means?” He nodded grimly and said,

“He’s the dragon that Robin had to kill to save Ylisse. I thought that we stamped out the last of the worshipers, but I got summoned pretty quickly. I’m guessing one got into Askr and corrupted the rest of these nobles. You know them, right?” 

Everyone nodded save for Lysithea, who looked as confused as ever. Gaius shrugged. She must be the exception to the dragon rule. 

“Let’s get moving. We shouldn’t stay in one place for a long time. If we wait any longer, then we risk being found out by the rest of the guards. The less we fight, the better.” They nodded in agreement and continued on their way towards the center of the palace. 

Once they heard some noises that sounded like beasts being played with, but Gaius assumed it was for a far darker purpose. Shuddering, he moved on and tried not to think about it. 

But his thief's intuition betrayed him. He could feel every noise in his feet as it vibrated through the ground. He heard every word that was uttered in hushed tones behind him. He also could sense where the treasure would be hidden. 

‘Thieves be like that I guess,’ he thought to himself. As they rounded a corner, something jumped down and attacked them. A ninja and a guy with a spear were flanked by an armored knight and some buffoon with an ax. 

They charged and Joshua dispatched the first ax guy who reminded Gaius of Virion, except he was less annoying. Then the spear guy got nailed in the head with a shuriken; he vanished into smoke instantly. 

The other two were more difficult. Lysithea handled the knight easily, but the ninja was a different story. Gaius thought all ninja’s wielded shurikens or maybe swords, but this one had an axe. 

“Stop your advances! The Quiet One will not be disturbed! I, Hana, will defend her until my last bre-” She stopped talking abruptly as Gaius flipped a knife at her. She disappeared into a puff of smoke, just like everyone else before her. 

“Well? Are we good to keep moving?” Gaius inquired and they nodded again as they began to run towards the center of the palace. They picked up the pace when more and more guards picked up on their presence. 

They finally got to the throne room door, but it was not the end. They found it to be guarded by three more nobles. One who wielded a naginata, one who looked like a pineapple, and one who resembled a lobster. 

Gaius never really got that joke, but still laughed to make Corrin feel better. Now he wasn’t in a laughing mood. They looked ready to defend that door to their last breath. And they did. 

They were killed almost instantly by the combination of Joshua sucker-punching Ryoma with a sword and Lysithea literally erasing the spear girl as two knives ended up at the pineapple. 

So they did defend it to their last breath, but it didn’t last very long. They opened the door to the throne room to find out the true identity of these three warlords and hope they were enough to stop them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. You got detention. Now you have to read my fic's final chapter. (we're almost done!)


	9. The End Is Nigh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. The final chapter. I hope you're ready.

What Gaius saw on the other side of that door was something he would remember for a very long time. Frederick was kneeling on the floor saying something about failing her and being so grateful for his life. 

What Gaius focused on were these three conniving and calculating evil geniuses. 

“Oh hey guys! I didn’t know you were coming by! Come on over and have some candy! I got so much from Frederick and his friends. They’re just so kind!” Everyone’s jaw dropped to the floor as they looked at the people sitting on the thrones in front of them. 

“Lady Lissa! Lady Sakura! Lady Elise! How did these mongrels get in!?!” They were fucking lolis. The evil people stealing his candy were fucking lolis. Gaius had never felt so ashamed in his entire life. 

They were sitting on their thrones and eating candy while laughing at Frederick’s words.

“Mongrels? Of course not! Frederick, that’s Gaius! He’s the one who likes candy just like me! It’s really nice of you to come by and see us Gaius! Sweet, almost.” They rolled around in their piles of candy at Lissa’s joke, even Lissa herself as the dream team pinched their foreheads in disbelief. 

“How did this happen?” Kaze muttered. 

“HOW DID YOU LOLIS FOOL ME INTO STAYING WITH THESE IDIOTS!!!” Rinkah yelled, scaring even Frederick. 

“Oh boy, Robin is gonna be pissed,” Joshua whispered as he left the palace. “No more jobs. That’s it.”

“Who let this happen?” Lysithea was concerned that something like this had even the potential to occur inside the order of heroes. 

“Frederick, call of the gang. The Sons of Grima are done. Stop being annoying so I don’t have to find you and kick your ass again.” Frederick frowned and replied,

“I remember that fight differently. You fled out a window. After throwing a smoke bomb in my eyes.” 

“You scream like a girl Fred, you know that?” That did it. 

“I did not!” He shouted like an indigent child. Gaius took the opportunity as Rinkah and Kaze began laughing at him to steal some more candy. Lysithea followed his lead; remembering the reason she started this whole thing in the first place. 

At last, Gaius found what he was looking for. A beloved lollipop. He took the old stick of the last one he had and replaced it. He felt so refreshed and invigorated, it was almost like he was his old self again. He almost forgot about one little thing. 

“How’s mine Snickers?” Gaius looked over at Lysithea and his brain almost shorted out. There she was, with a lollipop in her mouth as well, but what made him so happy was that thing she said. She gave him a nickname. Snickers. 

Lysithea was a little concerned that she had almost killed her crush, but then he broke out into a smile and said,

“I think it looks great Sith! How about we skirt this joint and head back to see what Bubbles is up to?” She grinned and nodded. They left as the commotion behind them grew as Rinkah and Frederick began throwing hands. 

Outside the palace, people had begun to congregate. They looked like they wanted their candy back, so Gaius gestured at the palace and said,

“It’s all yours. Take all the candy you want.” The crowd waited for a second and then they all surged forward. Once they had all gone, a slow clap began to emanate from behind him. 

“Well done Gaius! Truly spectacular!” Gaius turned around and saw Chrom with a delighted expression on his face. Sully stood next to him and was smirking. The hooded guy with the robe stood next to him, his smirk as big as Sully’s. Next to him holding his hand was-

“Cordelia? What are you doing here? And where’s Robin?” She almost dissolved into laughter. The hooded figure chuckled and said,

“Because I’m right here Chuckles.” He took off his hood and Gaius was really feeling bad now. Because right there, fooling him the whole time, was the Grandmaster Robin. Wow, he had one small victory and now everything comes crashing down. 

“Nice lollipop Lysithea, you must mean a lot to him if he let you in on his candy stash.” Now that was a power play. Lysithea turned beet red along with Gaius as they both stuttered and fumbled over their words as to why that was a dumb thing to say. 

“W-we aren’t t-together, w-were just-t f-friends.” 

“Mm-hm, very convincing argument. I guess we have to believe her.” Robin was smart but sarcastic? Cordelia was having a weird influence on the tactician. 

“We aren’t together. Even if I wanted to, she would never return my feelings.” Gaius paused as made sure he didn’t say that out loud. He convinced himself that that was a foolish thing to do and so he could never have done it. 

But from the way they were all looking at him, he could tell that his worst fears were realized. He just confessed indirectly and everyone would now laugh at him. 

“You, have feelings for me?” Gaius looked back at Lysithea and was puzzled by her expression. It was one of hope and joy, not one of disgust or revolution. Could she possibly return his feelings?

“All this time, I thought you were uncomfortable around me because you didn’t like Kaze and the rest shipping us in front of whoever you liked, but you were just nervous of me the whole time! How could I not see that before?” 

“Uh, because you’re a bookworm and bookworms are stereotypically not great with human emotions. Also, I did an expert job at hiding it.” she snorted and said,

“Don’t flatter yourself, Romeo, you’re lucky I love you.” Gaius laughed until he figured out what she just said. She also realized at the same time that he did. Then he came to the same realization that she did. 

All this time she was nervous around him not because she was disgusted by his occupation, but because she liked him and was terrified of screwing up in front of him. He knew because he felt the same way whenever she was around him. 

“Wait, you love me?” She was still cherry red and she thought about her response for a second before nodding quickly. Gaius felt so much better just at that slight inclination of her head. He wasn’t going to go crazy with unrequited love like Bubbles and Red did. 

“So I wasn’t going crazy then? You really feel the same way?” She nodded again, more sure of herself than the time before. She seemed happy to get her feelings out in the open even if she had only been friends with Gaius for a few days. 

“Well, now what? Wanna go get candy or something?” Gaius asked as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Robin and the rest all groaned and left accordingly. He yelled,

“What!?! I’m feeling peckish right now! A guy’s gotta eat, right?” He turned to Lysithea who shrugged like she was expecting this. She then planted a kiss on his cheek and said,

“Candy sounds great. How about my place? I still have a lot of stuff in my stash.” Gaius replied with his most charming grin.

“Sure, but Sith, won’t it be nice to have a sugar daddy now?” She replied by tripping him and he fell on top of, you guessed it, Keaton’s trash can. He fell out and began coughing and sputtering wildly. Lysithea was on the ground laughing her ass off as the rest of the crowd joined in. 

Gaius looked at her accusingly; banana peel stuck to his hair,

“What did you do that for? It was just a joke.” She scoffed and flipped her hair. 

“Not a very good one. Come on, sugar daddy? Isn’t that a pickup line from, like, Laslow?” Gaius’s face turned into an ironic pout that Lysithea giggled at. 

“Come on, we’ve got candy to eat.” Gaius’s appetite had left after he smelled Keaton’s trash, but it came back when he smelled the melting lollipop in his mouth. 

“Let’s go then Sith.” She smirked and said,

“After you, Snickers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I hope you had a blast. I sure did. Hopefully, I get some ideas soon, but can't promise anything. So until next time, peace!

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was something, wasn't it? I hope it was good enough and thanks for reading my first fic. I hope to gain similar traction on this fic as well.


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